Day 5: Discouragement and My Daughter (#215800)

Wednesday morning, 7.47am. Writing my 800 words. I ended yesterday feeling disappointed and discouraged – all for reasons well within my control. Will I do better today? I hope so. My resolve, in so many things, melts away much too quickly.

I finished reading 2 Kings today. I wasn’t ready to jump into Chronicles yet. I decided to rewind and go back to reading Genesis and work my way back to Samuel. They’ll get to Chronicles again. I’m looking forward to reading Ezra and Nehemiah. Love the Biblical history, but the violence – I tell ya’. They were some killing people. I found some comfort in seeing how the struggle to remain faithful is a universal one. Even our great Biblical heroes, David and Solomon, had some monumental screw ups. There is hope for me yet.

Started listening to the new series at Willamette Christian Church this morning via podcast. Their pastor, Joel Dombrow, is speaking about doubt. What a timely subject for me. Appreciated his discussion of the three kinds of believers: the simple-minder believer, the scientist, and the skeptic. I admit that I generally straddle the scientist and the skeptic. But I’m a seeking, hopeful skeptic. I want to believe and I want the roadblocks to belief (doubt) removed. But it is human to doubt. I suppose that my lack of follow-through may have something to do with my little faith and how I’m impacted by doubt.

OK, at this point, I’m finding myself to be uninspired. There are a lot of things to write about, but I’m afraid many of them aren’t interesting enough or are too ambitious for the space of these 800 words. Both assume that somebody might be reading this. I should let that go. Not only is no one reading this, but the point is to write – not to write for an audience. Let’s try again.

Marisa is earning a D- in two classes. This frustrates me to no end; however, I’m also aware that the very reason she’s struggling (missing assignments) is the thing that challenges me at work. Sometimes we just don’t WANT to do the work and will go to any length to find something else to work on. Still, we supported her as she studied for one of the finals, Marine Biology. She felt confident before and after the final. Mathematically speaking, there is a chance she can pull that grade up to a C. I hope so. We’ve worked hard with her on her study skills and homework. We let up on the reins some in this past semester - something that we really need to do. She needs to start taking responsibility. Yet I can’t completely let go. In the other class, English, she was missing a lot of assignments as well. Thankfully, the teacher was kind enough to allow her to turn her missing assignments in for full credit. Very generous. She actually has the potential to bring her grade up to a B. I’m hopeful…

Marisa also received her learner’s permit on Saturday. She is so exciting and anxious about driving. I’ve let her drive quite a bit in the past four days. I’ve decided to make her a deal, though. She needs to work out on any day that she wants to drive. If you’re wondering why, here’s the scoop. Marisa, when she gets bored and has time on her hands, tends to eat…a lot. Yesterday, for example, she made herself a lunch of chicken wings and French fries. She gained a lot of weight last summer when she was bored and alone at home. Therefore, I’m trying to leverage her excitement about driving to get her to be more active. She’s a little annoyed by it, but she understands that this stipulation is borne out of our desire for her to be healthier.

I’m ridiculously proud of my daughter. I’m so blessed that she was able to move in with us last year. I know that she continues to struggle with the changes that led her to change households. Her relationship with her mom is strained. There is little enthusiasm for visiting Mindy’s (her mom’s) house anymore. I would like to give credit to Jason, Mindy’s husband, for being the peacemaker and the bridge to keep the chasm from widening further. He picks her up at the start of weekend and ensures that she gets to her games, whether soccer or rugby. Yesterday, Marisa and I texted about her relationship with her mom. While it would be easy for her to dismiss her mom and allow that relationship to whither, she isn’t ready to do that. I’m glad that she’s not. I’m not a huge fan of Mindy, but I encourage Marisa to stay connected with her. That relationship is much too important to ignore it.