I haven’t written for several days. No excuse. I allowed other, less important things to distract me. In fact, my output for Friday and Monday (last two business days) was just poor. I know better, but I continue to let myself be taken off tasks, saying to myself that I can catch up. And then I find myself under the gun and swearing that I won’t allow myself to get there again. I’m back on today. It might take 30 minutes to write this morning, but at least I will have something accomplished that I can hang my hat on.
I’m all about ritual. Must be something about being raised Catholic (love Catholic mass, by the way). I appreciate when I’m able to build myself a ritual that is not boring but stable. I suppose that’s been part of my struggle since Sammy was born and Marisa moved in. I wouldn’t change the opportunity for anything, but it has been awfully difficult to establish a ritual for myself. I mind that I’m just jamming activities into whatever time slot I can find, ignoring any rhyme or rhythm. And more than infrequently, I’m choosing activities that really don’t benefit me at all. They just allow my mind to shut down. While there is a time and place for mindless activities, I almost always regret them. I reflect on the things that I wish I had been doing, the things I always say I want to do but never have the time.
So this is my current morning ritual – not perfect but certainly predictable and comforting. My alarm goes off at 5.00am. Much too early for most people (and for me, frankly). I don’t snooze. I get up, grab a t-shirt, underwear, and my phone and head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth with my SonicCare toothbrush. I leave the water running so that it can get warm in advance of my shower. During my two-minute tooth cleansing, I catch up on email and Twitter. Then it’s shower time. Soap, shampoo, and prayer. Seems like a good place to start my praying. I dry off, shave, and then head downstairs.
Downstairs, I prepare Sammy’s morning milk with vitamin drops, fill-up Vanessa’s and my coffee cups, and feed the dogs. I’m predictable when it comes to food, too. Currently, I’m enjoying maple and brown sugar shredded wheat. I was using whole milk, because that’s what Sammy uses, but this week I switched back to skim. Not as satisfying but healthier.
I return upstairs and eat breakfast while I read the Bible on my phone. Vanessa wakes up at 5.48am. I take a break from reading to chat with her before she jumps into the shower. I’ll set out clothes for myself and Sammy, then go back to reading. When Vanessa finishes her shower, I’ll iron my clothes. Sammy wakes up around 6.30am. I give his bottle, change his diaper, and get him dressed. He and I cuddle for a few minutes before the family goes downstairs (Marisa is awake by this time). We all pack lunches. I give everyone individual hugs and, at around 7am, I walk out the door to start my day.
Over the weekend, I began to consider that in about a month, I will be at Great Wolf Lodge with my family and my best friend’s family. It’s a water park. I will be in my swimsuit most of the time. I have not been getting to the gym on a regular basis, choosing instead to occupy myself with mindless activities (see above). I’ve decided that I need to use my fear of looking flabby in public as motivation for refocusing on fitness. I did a short bike ride on Sunday with Sammy. Pretty short, but better than doing nothing. Yesterday, I did good. I made it to the gym. I ran two miles on the treadmill, completing in just under 15 minutes, which I feel pretty good about. I expect I could’ve gone another mile, but I planned on running when I got home. I did some weights to complete my workout. When I got home, I changed into workout clothes, strapped on my new running shoes and socks, and hit the road. I put in three miles. A short road run, but combined with my treadmill work, I ran five miles yesterday. I’ll have to up that mileage significantly if I’m going to avoid torture on the Hood To Coast in August.
I’m currently sitting at my desk at work, laptop between me and door, listening to the Glee soundtrack. They are singing U2’s “One”. Great song. I love these guys, but they aren’t doing the song justice. I remember how important that album (“Achtung Baby”) was to me during my lonely times in the early ‘90s. I loved that song “Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses”. Reminded me of my girlfriend at the time, Heather Merrifield, who turned out to be a lesbian. That’s a story for another day.
800 words in less than 30 minutes, interrupted only by the mindless activity of playing Mafia Wars on Facebook. I have REAL work to do now.
I love you, Lord. Please help me focus today, on you and on being a man of integrity.
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